Thursday, February 9, 2017

Love, Marriage, and CS Lewis

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. (CS Lewis, The Four Loves)

The Four Loves is a marvelous study on the various types or kinds of love within human experience. Lewis examines our “loves” in light of four Greek terms: storgephilia (also phileo), eros, and agape.

I’d like to consider eros

Eros, in Hollywood, is the end all and be all of all things between a man a woman. Hollywood knows only one sort of love and it knows it wrongly.

Hollywood, more often than not, simplistically equates eros with sexual desire (from eros comes erotic). But eros is more than sexual desire and sexual desire is often less than eros. Human sexuality may operate within eros or without it. (When it operates without it, it is little more than—in fact it may properly be thought of as less than—animalistic.)

Eros, as conceived by Lewis, is the state of “being in love.” Healthy marriages certainly enjoy romantic love. But eros in marriage cannot simply be enjoyed. It must be encouraged. Godly spouses will seek to stir eros in their covenant lover’s heart, as well as in their own heart.

Yet, as vitally important as eros is to marriage, it is but one aspect of it. We dare not elevate eros too highly. We must not make a god of him as Hollywood has done.

As Lewis observes,

Eros, honored without reservation and obeyed unconditionally, becomes a demon . . . what costlier offering can be laid on love’s altar than one’s conscience?

How many homes have been decimated, honor betrayed, and hearts vitiated in the name of “love”? Eros must be submitted to Christ and His word. And when it is, it is glorious.

Rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love (Proverbs 5:18b-19).


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