Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Jesus Talks With Donald Trump

Jesus: “Thank you for meeting with Me on such short notice, Donald.”

Trump: “Not a problem. Inconvenient, maybe, but not a problem. Did you see me win the election? Did you see it?”

Jesus: “Most of it. Do you still think it was all rigg—”

Trump: “It was fantastic! Wasn’t it fantastic? Terrific. I beat Crooked Hillary bigly, Jesus. So bigly.”  

Jesus: “I’m guessing you must be over the moon these days for the Electoral College!”

Trump: “Electoral College is good. Not as good as Trump University. But good. People are saying it’s good. They like me over there. So, it’s not bad, I don’t think.”

Jesus: “Anywho…I’d didn’t come to talk politics. I’d like to talk about you.”

Trump: “I’d like that too. I like you, Jesus. I do. I like you. You seem nice.”

Jesus: “Right.”

Trump: “You should’ve endorsed me! Evangelicals love me. Absolutely love me. You should’ve. It would’ve been huge.”

Jesus: “Well, evangelicals don’t care about what I think nearly as much as you may imagine…”

Trump: “No? Well I think you’re great. I should endorse You!” (Laughs.) “Maybe I’ll make You great again.”

Jesus: (Laughing.) “No, no! That’s quite alright, Donald. Can we be serious for just a moment?”

Trump: “Sure. Sure. I like serious. I think serious is good.”

Jesus: “Once, long ago, I asked this question: ‘What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?’ I know you’ve accomplished a lot in your life. But how is it with your soul? Have you thought about this?”

Trump: “Well, I’m a good person. Okay? Believe me. I’m a good person. Right now I’m thinking about the soul of our nation—”

Jesus: (Chuckles.) “You mean your nation, the United States. All nations are my concern. I’m not an American, you know!” (More chuckling). “But, Donald, don’t you see that a nation doesn’t really have a soul? I know it sounds poetic. But the  soul of a nation is simply metaphor. People, not nations, have eternal souls. I love the nations because I love the people. Nations and empires come and go but individuals last forever. So…how is it with your soul?”

Trump: “I think it’s good. It’s good. I’m gonna make America great again. That I can tell you.”

Jesus: “So I’ve heard!” (Smiles.) “Donald, every American—in fact every person who has ever lived or ever will live—needs a Savior. Let me be direct: I am the Savior everyone needs—including you.”

Trump: “I’m a deal-maker, Jesus. I make good deals. It’s what I do. And I’m gonna make America great again.”

Jesus: “Friend—I hope you don’t mind Me considering Myself your friend—”

Trump: “Not at all. You’re a good person.”

Jesus: “Friend, I’m not talking about making the richest and most powerful nation in the world richer and more powerful. Honestly, I don’t consider material wealth and military power to be all that 'great.' All these things are transitory. The kingdoms of this world—yours and everyone else’s—will come and go. But My kingdom is forever. I wish you would seek My kingdom and encourage others to do the same.”

Trump: “The heaven thing is nice. It’s good. But I live in the real world. Okay? The real world. And I’m gonna make America great again. We’re gonna start winning again.”

Jesus: “Well, I’m not talking about heaven, exactly. I’m talking about the real world we both live in. My kingdom isn’t of the world but it’s certainly in it. Nor am I talking about 'winners' and 'losers' as you are. Rather, I’m offering you and everyone else eternal life.”

Trump: “Sounds terrific. Let’s do this again some time. Okay? Okay? Alright.”    
Jesus: “In case we don’t, please hear Me now. Your nation’s problems aren’t the lack of money or military. More of these things will not help you. The root of your problems is sin—closed hearts more than open borders. I’m offering you and everyone else something completely different. I’m inviting you to enjoy life in My kingdom now and always; to do things My Way. Won’t you at least think about it?”

Trump: “Maybe I’ll run it by Pence, see what Mike thinks about it.”

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