Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Signs You're Too Charismatic

Your native tongue is now your second language.

You think Harry Potter is a trick of the devil and TBN is anointed by God.

You pray a lot because God has so much to say.

You hate beer but love being drunk in the Spirit.

You can’t go anywhere near a “prayer line” without wearing a bike helmet.

You can out dance, out sing, and out praise any worship team on the planet!

You pray in tongues over meals so the devil doesn’t know what you’re eating.

The best sermon you ever heard was about “spiritual discernment” by Joyce Meyers.

You think poking fun of “holy laughter” is blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

In your opinion, the biggest problem with Todd Bentley is tattoos. (BAM!)

Your personal card reads: “PRAYER WARRIOR.”

You’ve heard the voice of God so often that you can tell if it’s the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit who’s doing the talking.

Your worshipful wind-sprints—with “Hallelujah!” banner in tow—are the envy of every sports-mascot in the country.

You carry a Benny Hinn prayer cloth in your wallet and a vial of anointing oil in a shoulder holster.

You don’t shop. You name and claim.

When you can’t sleep you don’t count sheep, you hunt wolves.

Like the prophet Daniel, you don’t defile yourself with deviled eggs or “Lucky Charms.”

Your answering machine is in other tongues but those who are spiritual leave a message. (The carnally-minded usually try pressing “1” for English.)

You’ve chased more demons than Bob Larson at a “Twilight” convention.

Every swipe of your credit card is a REBUKE (pronounced reebYOOKuh) to the “spirit of poverty.”

When making decisions, you randomly consult your Bible like it’s a glorified Lucky 8 Ball.

Your church speaks in more tongues than Rosetta Stone.

You feel “checked in your spirit” for reading this list. (I know this because I’ve been given a “word of knowledge” about you.)

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